juggling reality

finally got things on my site up and running.  i’ve been missing you!

life has been so busy  – purging all my extras and keeping only the things that bring me joy, commuting in the car to care for my mom who’s health continues to deteriorate to the point of me and my siblings wondering if it’s time, trying to spend quality time with my aging parents when i know each moment is so precious, trying to handle my angry dad in a loving and compassionate way, while at the same time trying to find a place to live that is somewhere in between my daughter and my parents.

i find myself thinking about my mom’s situation a lot these days.  she’s not going to be better, this i know for sure.  so i practice acceptance.  i know there’s nothing i can do to change the situation.  as much as i would love to see her improve, this is not going to happen.  she’ll never be able to walk again, nor talk. her bedsores will continue to appear. i accept what is. and focus on keeping her comfortable, with as little pain as possible.

practicing acceptance keeps me in a place of peace.  i don’t have to worry about her, i don’t have to think about how things could be different, i don’t even have to wish or pray that she will improve, i can love and embrace her just the way she is, and know that eventual death is where we all are heading.  what is the point of fearing the truth.  i choose to practice acceptance instead, and live life to its fullest, being there as best i can and know that i would want my children to have a life, if i were ever in this position.

 

4 thoughts on “juggling reality

  1. my dear beautiful sheelagh!!! how i miss you! of course i’ve been thinking so much about you these past few days with all that has been happening in your homeland. you and your family mean so much to ours. one of these days we must come together, before your boys are grown!!! I want to meet them and hold them and watch them laugh and jump and feel the joy. I miss you, all your songs, your silliness, your complete and pure love for the spirit in the child!!! thank you shee for coming into OUR lives and helping shape our children into who they are today. we love you so immensely!!!!

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