i stood there. under the night sky.
you filled me with hope. you told me i would be fine. you wrapped me in your light and covered me as if you understood, as if you knew the sadness i’d been living all these years.
i knew i wasn’t alone. i knew you from before. i knew you’d been with me all my life. but there were nights that i had missed you. because i’d forgotten to look up. i was so focussed on the mess, so focussed on the loss, so focussed on what i wanted it to be, but couldn’t find.
he would never be who i wanted him to be. i would never have the love i so craved, the love i lost.
but there you were so full, so bright, so pure and oh so beautiful.
everything you touched was new. everything you touched came to life. i was going to be fine. i had just left the man who’d been in my life for over 41 years, broken and lost. how could i do that? how could i leave someone who loved me so? but he was never going to leave the house. he couldn’t. and i wanted to live. i needed to find myself.
i looked up and saw you. so bright. so clear.
i wanted so to shine my light and connect. i wanted to make a difference, i wanted to be moved, and there you were moving me and touching me in ways i never knew.
you were full that night, so full of love, of light, of life. i knew i was doing the right thing. i knew i could love myself enough to make the decision to leave the house, the man who was keeping me from living a full life. i looked up and i could see your light connect with mine, i could see that i could touch you and be moved by you, i knew i could learn to live as full as you, as big and bright and sweet as you.
i thanked you for the gift as you smiled down at me, quiet and pure. you bathed me in your love. you smiled and filled my heart with joy, you filled me with hope, a life fulfilled.