i was brought up in a home where it wasn’t cool to share our true feelings. it was about pleasing our parents, and being as obedient as possible. if i cried, my father would yell at me, which would only make me cry more. so crying for me became shameful as well as my way of expressing anger.
what i’ve learned over the years is that allowing my emotions, honoring and releasing them is actually good for my heart. it keeps my heart open and healthy. holding in emotions, creates a crust around my heart, so when i am finally able release my emotions, it’s like my heart breaks open and i can physically feel the pain. i would go for years, holding in my emotions until one day, i couldn’t stand it anymore, and it would just ALL come pouring out…and you definitely wouldn’t want to be around when that would happen.
now that i’m much more in tune with caring for my heart, i find that i find moments to open my heart to the truth, to feelings that my be hard to admit. whether it’s me pouring out my stuff, or me listening to someone else share her truth, i’ve come to appreciate that any sharing of the truth is healthy for my heart.
i shared my truth with my husband of nearly 34 years, and broke his heart. i’ve been healing by being in nature, and by sharing with friends my need to practice self-love. as i’ve made the choice to leave what felt to be an unhealthy situation, i know that for him, he feels confused and lost, anger and frustration. i understand. i have compassion for him. but i can’t change my truth. i choose to live life honestly.
we all deal with our truths in different ways. writing helps me, being alone in nature helps me; his heart is broken, it’s open now, there’s no more hiding emotions and squashing them in shame. for him, he’s found poetry. he’s writing poetry for the first time, and it’s incredibly beautiful.
“each one has to find his peace from within.” – mahatma gandhi