when i meditate i am closest to my heart. it is so open that i feel emotions that i don’t even know exist in my conscious state. powerful feelings surface, feelings that are deep, hidden and unspoken, and as i let them move through me, i recognize them, and allow them to be and that’s when i feel my heart sing, and sometimes the singing turn to tears.
“opening the heart begins by opening to a lifetime’s accumulation of unacknowledged sorrow….at times we may experience this sorrow physically as contractions and barriers around our heart, but more often we feel the depth of our wounds, our abandonment, our pain as unshed tears. the Buddhist describe this as an ocean of human tears larger than the four great oceans.” – jack kornfield
and there i sat drowning in an ocean of tears.
at first i just let myself honor those feelings, and then i released them all, not really trying to understand why. i realized that i’d spent many years trying to make the most of a sad situation, afraid to allow the truth to surface, afraid to think i could ever leave someone who’s in pain, someone who’s sick. there i sat remembering the pain, the lies, and acknowledging the truth.
“we grieve for our past traumas and present fears, for all of the feelings we never dared experience consciously.”
and so it is with my open heart, that i honor and release the pain, and welcome the loving compassion i have for myself.
i reach in my pocket, find the key, open the door and fly from my cage of denial, into the open space of honesty.