“change will only come about when we become more forgiving, compassionate, loving, and above all joyful in the knowledge that we can change as those around us can change too.” – mairead maguire
i have no regrets about these past ten years. living with a man who struggles with bipolar depression has taught me so many many lessons. and i am so grateful. had i not taken those years to understand his situation and his past, i could have remained in a state of confusion, clouded with judgement and resentment. but now i understand more about the mental illness, and i certainly have learned to love him in a way that fully embraces him as a man filled with imperfections and gifts, just as we all are.
but as i listened quietly to the whisper in my heart, i heard the little girl in me who i have been ignoring for so many years. as my life got busier and busier, i found myself making a daily list of things i had to get done and who i had to care for; sometimes i wouldn’t even be on the list. if i made it onto the list, i was at the very bottom, in pencil.
today i am acknowledging that i can change, and that i can make the choice that is about me loving and caring for myself. no longer taking responsibility for someone else’s happiness, i’m free to live my life to its fullest, to pursue dreams and aspirations that i’ve been wanting to for years.
my heart whispers and often communicates without words.
my ego yells and tells me what i should be doing and judges me.
my ego can be so loud that i miss what my heart is communicating to me.
as i listen to his heart and mine, my essence connects to his essence – he has such a beautiful soul – and i have faith that we are going to remain friends, and that our whole family will learn more about the abundant love that grows, and is our ultimate and most revealing and powerful lesson of all.