married 34 years, together 41. how could it end in divorce? that’s the thing, it doesn’t have to end. instead it can be a beginning.
divorce, or uncoupling, can be a beginning of a new and healthy relationship.
i just got off the phone with a dear soul sister of mine who went through a divorce some years ago. she called to offer me support and understanding. and her understanding of divorce is the same as mine. divorce can be a new beginning, and it doesn’t mean the end of love. my friend’s relationship with her former husband is loving and kind; she enjoys doing things with her former husband and his girlfriend and their relationship is much happier and healthier now.
love doesn’t end relationships, it expands them; the ego hates, fears and ends relationships.
the heart understands and forgives; the ego controls, judges and criticizes.
love expands and is abundant; the ego separates, diminishes self worth and shouts ‘failure’.
divorce is such an interesting word – “to end marriage legally; to cut off”- and it has so many negative connotations and implications, when in reality it just means that two people have changed to such an extent they are now ready to have a different kind of relationship. they no longer share the same meals, interests and bed, but they can still love each other as friends.
the couple evolves over the years, and they are no longer lovers. in acknowledging this truth, the couple sees the opportunity to love each other in a whole new way. in allowing honesty to be a significant part of the process of the uncoupling, each party has the opportunity to grow and develop mutual respect and understanding and to want only the best for their loved one.
they admit that they each want to live more fulfilled lives separate from each other.
staying in a relationship that is unhealthy and unhappy simply because that was the dream and the commitment, is being dishonest.
a couple that can admit that they are no longer lovers, that they no longer want to be intimate with each other, is being honest with the change that has evolved in each of them and between them. with this honesty, the couple can remain very much involved in each other’s lives and they can continue to be active in all family events. they can still to be friends, and their relationship becomes much healthier and more loving.
this is my dream and my intent as i see our future no longer married. i will always love this beautiful man, the father of our children, but i am being honest in admitting that we are no longer lovers and that our relationship has changed.
we can still love each other and not be married. love expands.