divorce is not about failing, it’s about being honest and loving

if i’m having a hard time making a decision, i quiet my internal voice (which is usually the voice of my mother or father), and listen to my heart.

living through the heart, with compassion and understanding as my compass, helps me in making tough decisions.  listening to my heart gives me clarity as to what are my choices.

if i find myself choosing not to do something based on fears and the discomfort of breaking old habits, i know i need to pause and listen to my heart.

when my gut, intuition, heart are telling me one thing, and my head and ego are telling me another. i need to listen carefully to my heart because the voice of the ego can be very strong, and it usually talks at me, not in efforts to understand me, but rather to judge me.

should i stay in a relationship that i know is unhealthy. should i stay in a relationship that is drenched in co-dependent behavior.  should i stay in a relationship where i am made to feel responsible for someone else’s well being?

heres my ego talking at me:

if you leave he could hurt himself.

you’ve been married almost 34 years, don’t give up now.

people will think you’re selfish, if you leave.

you don’t want to disrupt your family and you don’t want the kids to be hurt.

what would your parents think? they are so proud that all four of their children have stayed married and that they are on their 63rd anniversary.  you’ll be perceived as such a failure.

what will your neighbors think?  haha! when you find yourself worrying about what the neighbors might think….time to pause.

these are all concerns that are based on fear and judgment. and this is my ego talking loud and clear at me. my ego is separate from me, and it judges me.

so i quiet the ego, i quiet the judgement, and i sit and listen to my heart, i listen to my true self within.

my heart tells me to love myself.

my heart tells me that a choice to leave an unhealthy relationship is not selfish.

my heart tells me that selfish is very different from self-love and self-care.

my heart tells me that self-love is honoring and nourishing the soul, not feeding the ego.

i’m learning to make choices based on faith and not fear.

i’m learning to listen to my heart.

and my heart says that love expands, it doesn’t end.  i can still love him, i just choose not to live with him.

he and i can still be friends and and i don’t have to live with the lie that i’m happily married.  i’m a happy person in an unhealthy marriage and it’s time for me to love myself enough to begin living a life that is fulfilling and honest.

 

 

6 thoughts on “divorce is not about failing, it’s about being honest and loving

  1. Anytime anyplace I am here for you. Please call, come by, whatever.

    You are the most loving and bravest and least selfish person I think I have ever met. Your family wants you to be happy and safe and feeling good about yourself. You are an amazing mother, daughter, wife, friend. If You need to leave to save your soul and your heart, then you need to do that. He cannot doubt your love for him, now or in the future.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are the most amazing, incredible, bravest, loving, beautiful, caring person I have met! I can’t imagine the thought, time, heartbreak this may have taken in order for you to make this decision. I love you very very much, and you are always in my heart and my prayers!! 🙏🏼✝❤😘

    Liked by 1 person

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