on the way to the doctor’s my father exclaimed, “mommy, after you get your medicine, you’ll be able to walk and talk and maybe even sing!” clearly my father had high expectations and basically wanted my mom to be cured of her parkinson’s.
my mom’s medical procedure seems to be going well – it involves the installation of a tube into her intestines, which we did two weeks ago, and then a battery pack that gives her a continuous supply of cardidopa-levadopa, her main med that helps her move. it’s unlikely that miracles will take place and very unlikely that she’ll be able to function as my father wishes she could. i listened to the excitement in my father’s voice and tears welled up in me as i realized that his wish was of course mine as well. of course i miss my mother. and of course i wish that one day she’ll find her voice, and the strength to take a step.
but having unrealistic expectations only results in disappointment so i took a deep breath, gave my dad a hug, held his hand, and reminded him that for now we’re just hoping she’ll have less pain, better circulation, and if the movement follows, well, we’ll celebrate then!
as i focus on the little things that bring me joy, as i allow my heart to be my guide, i trust that all will be just as the universe unfolds, and that’s okay.