“sometimes i wake up grumpy………….and sometimes i let him sleep.”
i saw this sign while walking in martha’s vineyard a couple of years ago, and loved it. it’s a simple reminder that we have a choice in so many aspects of our lives. it’s also a reminder that i don’t have to let someone else’s mood ruin mine.
my man is having a rough few days, i guess you could call him mr.grumpy. it usually happens after a big event where he’s had to work to get over his anxiety of being around people. brian will wake up and announce that he’s having a bad day. we’re both sensitive to his moods and struggles. he won’t want to talk or give eye contact, and i can tell he’s in deep thought, where the world is spinning in the wrong direction. there’s a part of me that wants to pick him up and shake him, to tell him to get over it, but then there’s the part of me that understands and wants to hold him, hug him and give him his space. it’s that part of me, my heart, that i nurture.
this past weekend was packed with activities, so he’s exhausted from the work it took to be around people. being around others is not a big deal to me, so it takes my heart to truly understand his pain. i love being around others, but i haven’t always been this way. it’s been a gradual transformation of sorts. i used to be extremely shy and in fear of being judged. now i love getting to know someone at a deeper level, and i find my curiosity to outweigh my fear of being judged. so in listening to his silent pain, i remember what it used to be like for me.
moods can be contagious, no doubt. i remember feeling his mr.grumpy mood, and quickly becoming mrs. grumpy. my whole day would be ruined. i’d experience intense conflict in every interaction, i’d experience avoidance and anger instead of giving someone space – two very different things.
avoidance involves my head and lots of judgement, including taking things personally, ‘what did i do to deserve this? why is he treating me like this? i deserve better.’ we couldn’t be in the same room without arguing, and without me feeling criticized or controlled and frustrated.
giving someone space involves my heart where there is no judgement, and only understanding and love. i can give hugs, i can listen, but i don’t have to tell him to do anything. i can just let him be. in giving him the freedom to have his own mood, i experience the freedom to have mine. i can go about my day in total bliss. crazy how it works.
i get to choose the day i’m going to create, and it’s usually in the same direction as the flow of the universe.