you get to take control of your own feelings by a simple shift in perspective and choice of words
instead of ‘you make me so mad’,
try ‘when you do this____, i feel mad”
by changing a few simple words, you can not take control of your own life, instead of handing it over to someone else. in taking control of your own life, you now feel empowered, and worthy of yourself. when you allow someone else to determine your feelings, you feel controlled, disrespected and frustrated.
someone else’s behavior doesn’t actually determine your feelings; you have choices in how you feel. having the awareness that you have a choice takes practice because it’s been engrained in you to believe you have a right to have those feelings. recognize the feeling, but then let it go.
but by telling them ‘you make me mad or sad or disrespected’ you are allowing someone else to control your feelings. ask yourself ‘if i truly respect and love myself, why am i allowing someone else to determine how i feel?’
for example, my father loves to lay on the guilt when he says, ‘but i haven’t seen you in so long.’ (it’s been four days…) my heart knows that i can’t be there everyday. i try my best to visit once or twice a week. but it’s my choice to feel the guilt. if i see that he’s simply expressing how his heart is feeling, i can now choose to listen to my heart.
i choose not to feel guilty. i know i love them, and i know they know i love them. i don’t have to prove anything. i simply need to express and experience my love from the heart and not the head.
another example, brian loves to stay home, watching television. (i’m hoping it’s just a phase.) -‘you make me so mad when you sit around watching television’ is very different from ‘when you sit and watch television, i feel the need to do something else.’ i choose to give the person his space, allow him to be responsible for his own feelings, and i choose to find other things that fill my tank with happiness. i don’t have to be waiting around for him to fill it for me. i see this as an opportunity to practice patience, growth, writing, golf, cooking…there’s just so much to life!
i get to create it!!!!