sometimes i have to suffer before i make the decision to change: the practice of body teaching mind

yesterday i was able to put a shoe on and walk without a limp. yay!!!

it’s been over a month since i rolled it on a rock while jumping off the boat.  you may be wondering why it’s taken this long for a simple injury like this to heal.  i’m thinking the same.  i should have gone to the doctor, this i know. but i didn’t think it was that bad, and thought for sure it was just bruised. not only did i not go to the doctors, but i pretended it didn’t hurt, and continued to do my early morning walks in flip flops, hobbling along trying to ignore the pain.  it took me three weeks before i actually decided to listen to my body.

i stopped my early morning hobbles, tried to keep my foot elevated and iced it whenever possible.  slowly it began to heal.


so often i choose not listen to my body. i make the decision to live with the pain even though i know i should be changing something that is contributing to the condition that’s causing the pain. ever since having four children, i’ve had a sciatic nerve pain that would start deep in my buttocks and then shoot down my right leg. now that i’m not eating inflammatory foods (this includes sugar), the pain has disappeared. at first the mere thought of giving up sugar was simply not possible. sugar is in everything! but i decided to try it for just 30 days, and in less than a week, i could feel the difference.

we have certain routines or habits that we refuse to change. in the case of my foot, i didn’t want to give up my morning walks, and honestly i didn’t want to hear, stay off your foot, and wear this boot, so i didn’t go to the doctor. in the case of my sciatic nerve, i didn’t want to hear give up sugar,

so i lived with the pain, adjusting as best i could.

and isn’t that what we’re so good at doing? we’re so good at living with the pain, and not taking steps to change because it requires that we give up something that we love, or something that is so engrained in us that the thought of giving it up seems impossible. or it requires that we change.

if i look at the change as unsurmountable, something that i have to do for a lifetime, the change doesn’t seem possible. but if i look at the change as tiny steps that i can take just a little at a time, then it becomes manageable.

if i want to be able to dance at riki’s wedding (which is a mere month away! yikes!!!), i have to rest my foot. i can’t ignore the pain.

if i have a habit of trying to fix someone i love because he’s not the way i want him to be, and he’s causing me lots of worry, i have to take steps to change myself, not him. i have to begin with tiny steps that may be difficult, but if viewed as a little at a time, it becomes possible.

little by little i make choices to let go of wanting to change someone, other than myself. i let go of the desire to control, i let go of trying to tell him what foods to eat, or what habits he should break.

i let go, listen to my heart instead of my head, and trust that in my love for him, he will find a his own way to heal. it’s not up to me.

i let go, have faith, and i continue to take care of myself.

do i love myself enough to make choices that make my heart sing ‘thanks”!!





2 thoughts on “sometimes i have to suffer before i make the decision to change: the practice of body teaching mind

  1. So true and I really hope your foot continues healing (faster!). I also think that part of aging is that healing becomes much slower and downtime becomes more important but harder to adhere to. For example, I rolled my big toe about a year ago on a wet floor. Pretty sure it was a hairline fracture of some tiny bone. I could have gone to a doctor and they would have x-rayed and might have put a boot or cast on for months. Instead, i Just rested it, but then every time I tried to play tennis or surf, I would re-injure (rebreak?) it. It’s mostly better but I went surfing yesterday and today it is sore. so frustrating!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. what a bummer about your toe. yesterday, i did too much. ugh. and now it’s all swollen again. making the appointment to see the doctor and have it x-rayed when i return to the west coast…yes! frustrating is absolutely right! i was hoping to be able to dance at my friend’s son’s wedding, but it’s not gonna be possible:(


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