there’s the ‘dwell in the head cry’ and then there’s the ‘open the heart and connect cry’

and then there’s that place right in between that has both the heart and the head feeding each other.

i did a lot of open heart crying at pat’s daughter’s wedding. i could just feel the joy and as her son sang, i was just sobbing. and i wasn’t alone.  i guess that’s the difference. at weddings, funerals, the olympics, at live concerts, we sense community, we sense a connection with a universal emotion, we sense each other. it’s visceral, raw, real, and we feel connected to something greater than ourselves.  an open heart cry renews and re-energizes. i always feel inspired and filled with hope after a cry that connects my heart to yours and to the universe.

when i close the door and cry because things aren’t going my way, the way i wanted or the way i expected, i feel alone.  i feel the sense that i’m the only one who’s suffering, and there’s no one who can make me feel better.  i use the word ‘suffering’ because it’s taking something that is out of my control and painful (like a break up with a friend, or a behavior that was hurtful, or a mother’s who’s sick) and choosing to repeat that pain again and again.  i think about all the things that i could have done differently, all the things i should have done differently, i think of all the things that are in the past, and that are completely out of my control and i allow my head to take those thoughts and play them over and over again until i’m suffering. my cry of wanting things to be different and refusing to accept life as it is, becomes my mantra, ‘why me? what’s wrong with me? what did i do wrong?’ this is my ‘dwelling in the head cry’ and it’s filled with fear, anger and despair.

the heart to heart cry nourishes my soul, connects me to the universe and is filled with faith, faith that whatever happens is just part of the flow. as i step into the flow, i experience the miracles before me and i see the lessons, the opportunities to learn, to change, to transform, to grow spiritually.  there is no ego that is trying to change something out of my control, it’s simply my heart understanding and having complete acceptance of what is, and i become overwhelmed with gratitude.

my ‘open heart cry’ reminds me that i’m human, flaws and all, living in a world filled with mystery, awe and miracles. my ‘open heart cry’ reminds me that i’m loved by my creator just the way i am, and that i’m not alone, and have so much to be grateful for.

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