it’s not fun having a gimpy foot. i should be all better by now, but when you don’t do what you know you should be doing, it just takes longer to heal. so when brian told me yesterday that i should be sitting with my foot up, not hustling around all day, i decided to listen.
but here’s the deal. we have our future in-laws visiting next week and our house is a mess. i just have to get things done, i kept thinking.
as brian was climbing into bed last night, he said, ‘just let me know what needs to be done. put me to work. i want to help.’ was he reading my mind?
i suppose i’m guilty of ‘expecting him to read my mind’. instead of asking for help, i have an old habit of wondering why someone doesn’t do what i want him to be doing. and when i don’t communicate what i want him to do, or what is expected of him, and instead hold all my thoughts in, those thoughts turn into resentments and pretty soon i’m experiencing some serious drama and turmoil in my head. i’ll kick butt trying to do it all, until i finally break down and have a full on melt down.
but it’s not easy for me to ask for help, so god steps in, gives me the opportunity to twist my foot and remember the lesson. if i want to get better, then i have to put my foot up. and if i want to have the house ready for our visitors, i have to ask for help.
and so today i’m sharing with brian a list of things that need to get done around the house. instead of running around trying to do it all myself, and ‘hoping’ that he’ll notice, he gets to step up. and the crazy thing is that he’s always willing to help! his way of expressing his love is through service. so why don’t i ask? here’s his opportunity to show his love.
it’s just that i’m not used to asking. i was brought up to believe that asking for help was a sign of weakness. ‘we’re chinese. we have to prove that we’re better,’ my father would tell me. and so the old habit that is engrained in me is to try and do it all myself.
in asking for help, i don’t build up resentments, i avoid being a martyr, i get to love myself, and let my husband show his love for me. i also am reminded that ‘the strength is in the pack.’- jungle book, rudyard kipling, and that i’m always learning.