even the smallest gesture makes a difference

“if you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – the dali lama

i live with a guy who like things to be just so. it used to drive me crazy, but as i’ve let go of feeling controlled and micro-managed, when i realized that he experiences the world differently than i do, and that it’s okay to be different, i suddenly felt personally liberated.

we have three dogs and three leashes. he likes to put the blue leash on danny , the red leash on pirate and the black leash on scout.  when i’m alone i just randomly put the leashes on whichever dog comes first.

there are many ways of doing the same thing. when i can stop feeling the need to make the other person do it my way. it’s not always the case that one way is right. so when he tells me to put the blue leash on danny, i used to feel that he was controlling me. now i simply see it as a small gesture that requires very little effort on my part, yet makes a difference in our day.

when i accepted that this is a big deal for him, and it’s not a big deal to me, instead of feeling controlled, and experiencing a feeling of less than,  i can let go of wanting to do it my way.  instead of making a fuss and saying ‘you can’t tell me what leash to put on which dog’, i can see that it means something to him, i can honor that, and i can choose to have a lovely day in peace, instead of a miserable one in conflict. and now he doesn’t have to tell me over and over again how he likes to put the blue leash on danny.

so when i’m walking the dogs with brian, i make the small effort to put the blue leash on danny.  instead of feeling controlled, i feel liberated because i see that he and i are simply two different people and when one person likes it a certain way, i’m happy to comply, as minor a gesture it may be.

i choose to have the perspective that i’m not being controlled, i’m simply being considerate of my man and his need to have life a certain way.

2 thoughts on “even the smallest gesture makes a difference

  1. In your funny anecdote of the dog leashes you hit on a couple very important points for a relationship to succeed: First, knowing when something is important to the other person; Second, a willingness to compromise. Communication is of course crucial to both! Thank you for sharing, Manette!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s