growing up in a people pleasing home … hmmm. it was all about trying to win my parents’ approval and prove my worth.
i’ll never forget the day i declared my major in college. i didn’t want to disappoint my parents who had drilled into me that i should be a doctor “so i could take care of them when they grew old”. but when i found myself floundering through organic chemistry, and wheezy looking at blood, i decided that the medical route wasn’t for me. i was doing well in psychology, and i absolutely loved trying to understand how the brain worked.
so i took the giant step. i picked up the phone to tell my parents. my hands were shaking and i couldn’t find my voice.
the crazy thing is that they were okay with it! they didn’t yell, or tell me i was crazy, or that i was being defiant. i thought for a second they didn’t understand, and maybe i wasn’t clear that i was no longer pre-med (it was probably the latter cuz i was truly afraid of their disapproval so the longer i could put off telling them the details, the better….)
i remember this moment well because it was probably the first time i didn’t let their voice be my inner voice. it was the first time, i started to allow my true inner voice to be heard, and to understand that my voice didn’t have to be the same as my parents’ voice.
it is truly freeing having an inner voice that is connected to my soul, my heart, and no one else’s. i don’t have to experience guilt, or shame. i don’t have to live to please my parents, i don’t have to live trying to please others. i’m not responsible for other people’s happiness, just mine 🙂
i can be happy being me!