“men marry women with the hope they will never change. women marry men with the hope they will change. invariably they are both disappointed.” – albert einstein
einstein truly was a genius! bottom line is that we all change, it’s inevitable. conflict arises when i want the other one to change, to be the way i want him to be. if i can accept my man just the way he is, changes and all, i experience peace, joy, harmony. true love is about understanding that we all have defects of character, that none of us is perfect, and when we can love each other just the way we are, even as we change, that’s pure and beautiful love.
fifteen years ago my brian began his battle with depression. the change was slow, but i knew things weren’t right. he started staying up late, couldn’t get up for our early morning walks, had trouble sleeping, and perhaps the biggest change was that he started to isolate and self-medicate.
when someone is changing in a direction that isn’t desirable to me, do i work to try and change him to no avail? experience conflict and pain? do i leave when i realize changing someone isn’t an option and because it’s no longer what i want? or do i dig deep and try and understand? we all make choices, and there is no right or wrong. we’re just all different in the way we approach change.
in making the choice to dig deep, i’ve gotten to know a part of him that i would never have known. that vulnerable part of him, that little boy who was afraid to ask for help, who had been living with so much guilt and shame for not being able to protect his mom. i’m getting to know all of brian, and i’m so glad i didn’t miss this opportunity, the opportunity to learn from the mystery.