sometimes our egos can keep our hearts from healing

we all know what if feels to be misunderstood. it’s not a good feeling. is it possible to be misunderstood and still feel loved? or are the two contingent on the other? i’d like to think that we each can see things differently, and still feel loved. but often it doesn’t work that way. often when we see things so dramatically different, we feel misunderstood. and when we feel misunderstood, we want to hold back our love.

(whenever i find myself wanting to control how i distribute or give my love, it’s probably conditional love that is coming from my head and not my heart.  the heart only knows to connect, understand and have compassion)

there is a french saying that goes like this:

love me or hate me, the two are both in my favor.  if you love me, i will always be in your heart; if you hate me, i will always be in your head.

emma and fritzie are not talking.  these two 94 year old women are a couple of my favorite people in the village. and bless their hearts they’re not talking, in fact they work everyday to avoid each other. these two women met at the village five years ago, and i remember talking to them at dinner one day about how much they love each other, how they wished they had met earlier in life, how they both lost their husbands but found each other. they were such an adorable twosome. the perfect example of friendship. they were inseparable and the smiles and laughter would fill the room.

emma and fritzie had an argument last week, feelings were hurt, and now they refuse to even look at each other. when i talk to each of them, now separately, each has tears in her eyes, and such sadness. but each refuses to give in and apologize, because each believes she was right and the other one wrong. they now eat at opposite ends of the diningroom.

but i wonder, is it more important to be right, or better to love and be happy?

when our minds and egos demand that we be right, we can alienate and build walls that keep us from accepting that each of us sees the world differently.  we simply have a different perspective on the same reality.

if we can get over our egos’ need to be right, our hearts’ desire to connect and understand can be heard. we are taught early on to build our egos, to compete and be better than others, to compare and judge and argue. over the years we’ve become so good at feeding our egos, that our hearts get forgotten.

in practicing living through the heart, we connect to that part of us that is there, has been there from the beginning, that part of us that is quiet and forgiving, that part of us that never is demanding the way the ego thrives.

it’s that part in us that can be heard when we quiet our egos and connect to our source, our universe, our creator, who only wants us to learn to love.

and that maybe that’s the meaning of life – to learn to relate and love amidst our differences.

“forgiveness is the fragrance of the violet left on the heel that crushed it.” – mark twain

2 thoughts on “sometimes our egos can keep our hearts from healing

  1. My dad stopped talking with his sister a while back, just like their mom stopped talking with her sister over something small and just never spoke again. I don’t even know what it was about, but a lot of judgement. I was put in the middle about 10 years ago. This past month, while at home for my mother’s funeral, when learning of his sister’s hospitalization, Dad acted like nothing had ever happened between them and told my cousin, her son, that he’d give his sister a call and thank God all is well. I looked at him and he raised a confused eyebrow (what he remembers is actually humorous and hazy, because it’s not always everything that all of his sober kids remember). But they are talking. No one apologized. I think they just pretended that the number of years of silence and grief never existed. hmmm…well, if you can’t apologize, at least there’s still a way to re-connect! Just pretend it never happened! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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