my trip was incredible – filled with such bliss, family and friends. as i arrived home, i couldn’t wait to see brian and give him all the hugs i’d been carrying with me from all his children and friends, and me. then, i saw the news and my heart sank. big time. yet another mass shooting.
my heart was breaking for all the victims and their families. how fragile and unpredictable life is. how some random person could so easily bring suffering to so many.
i awoke this morning thinking ‘life doesn’t get easier, we get stronger’- and i felt compelled to write to our children. not compelled, stronger than that. i needed to reach out and touch them. i wanted them to know my love for them and how much they mean to me. that a day doesn’t go by without me thinking about them, that my love for them is so intense, it hurts. hurts in a good way. my heart speaks a different language. it understands and connects. it feels the pain, but it heals through love.
i wake up everyday open to the miracles in life, but especially to the miracles that my children are to me. why is it that whenever i drive over the hills and valleys of the berkshire mountains, i start to cry? why is it that i become overwhelmed with emotions so intense that i actually have to pull to the side of the road, to wipe my tears so i can see?
the berkshires is the home of williams college, and williams is my home in so many ways. this is not only where i met the father of my children, but this is where i began living a life independent of my parents, where i began to see that life wasn’t about pleasing my parents. that life was about discovering who i really was to become, not what my parents wanted me to be.
thank you children, thank you brian, thank you mom and dad, thank you god for all you have given me and continue to give me and this world. i can feel the sadness of yesterday’s shooting, and become depressed. yes, my heart breaks and breaks for all the victims and their families. i can feel the pain, but i can choose not to suffer in that pain.
and i can experience the love that my heart feels for what is. i can experience both the sadness and the gratitude. i focus on the gratitude. i quiet my mind, and listen to my heart as it heals in love.
as lin-manual miranda so beautifully expressed in his acceptance of the tony award for the best original score “love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love, cannot be killed or swept aside”
there is a buddhist saying “hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love. this is the eternal rule.” in my meditation this morning, i experienced the intense power of love. and my heart began to heal.