connecting through the heart; the difference between silence and space

giving someone the silent treatment, and giving someone space are two different things. the silent treatment is me against the world, me against another’s point of view. giving someone space is me as it is, and then choosing to stay with my heart, in love and understanding, and allowing the other person to have his point of view, his perspective.

as a child, i remember giving my mom the silent treatment when she wouldn’t let me have my way. it was my way of expressing anger. i would run to my room, cry my heart out, and then make the decision not to talk to her…ever!  it was my ego against hers.

i like to think that i’ve grown up a little since then. i do practice ‘giving space’ to others:

  • understanding the other person’s perspective, which is usually coming from a place of fear;
  • i detach from judgements and assumptions;
  • i remember that i have choices, and that i choose not to take it personally;
  • i keep it simple from the heart, which doesn’t know how to compare or defend.

when i give the other person to have his space to vent, complain, scream at the world for not being the way he wants it to be, i simply imagine him releasing his fear into space, and then i make the choice not to enter that space.

if i jump into the space with him, suddenly i’m drowning in the drama he’s creating. i remember that i have a choice not to join in the drama. i can listen with compassion but  i must do so without taking it personally. once i start defending myself, i’m part of the drama.

by accepting that the other person is simply in fear, my heart understands, and there is no need to try and change his point of view. i am no longer seeing myself as a victim. i choose to stay in my place of peace.

by giving the other person his space, he acknowledges his fear, releases it into space.  as i listen with my heart, there is a greater possibility that his heart will connect with mine.

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