we leave for carmel for ren’s best friend from high school’s wedding today – so excited! brian is rallying! it’s not easy for him, and he is truly stepping up to the plate. knowing that he gets to see ren is his motivation, because being around people is hard enough, but being around people who remind him of the days before his depression hit, is almost unbearable.
the cocktail questions. how are you? what have you been doing? conversations that he’d rather not engage in, haunt him. in situations where i’m not ready to share my deepest thoughts with people i know but who aren’t my closest friends, i ask them a lot of questions. if i can turn the focus on them, then i’m not having to open up. but it’s also the gossip that is uncomfortable to be around. when i’m in the middle of a bunch of gossip, i politely remove myself, and try not to engage, not even by listening.
i think the thought of talking about people when they aren’t there and it’s all ‘this is what i heard …’ is especially hard for brian to be around. it only let’s his mind think ‘that’s the chatter when i’m not in the room.’
no facts, but ‘this is what i heard…’ builds mistrust and drama into our lives.
there’s so much to learn from you, the idea of talking about someone who isn’t there, just isn’t kind. in focusing on the now, the moment, and listening to what you have to share about yourself connects me to you and is a choice i get to make.