adjusting to the imperfections in life, and finding peace and the deepness of love

life is really about learning to live with each other’s shortcomings. and if you think about it, the joy in life is realizing that i have choices, choices in how i’m going to respond to life’s shortcomings. in other words, my relationship to the imperfections of life – the good and the bad that is simply the reality of our existence as humans.

if i’m willing to see my imperfections, and that i’m forever changing, my relationships with others and with life’s circumstances improve.  if i can see that we all have defects of character, that no one is perfect, i find a peace within me that is simple and loving.

if i find myself making demands of myself and others, demands that fit some idealistic image of what it should be, i experience conflict and turmoil within.  if i’m making  demands of others to be the way i want them to be, or demands of god to give me a life i want not the one that is unfolding before me, then i experience frustration and discontent.

when i’m in conflict with what is, life on it’s own terms, i can’t sleep and want to force solutions that i think will make me happy. when i learn to let go of trying to make things the way i want them to be, including other people, i find peace and happiness.

my soul mate struggles with depression. if i focus on trying to change him, trying to get him to create a life for himself, i find myself wanting to control or criticize him. if i focus on his many beautiful qualities, and have compassion for his condition, i experience peace.

if i focus on creating a life for myself that includes him, but one that isn’t determined by his emotional state, i have an awareness that i have choices.  i can choose to be miserable with him if he’s having a bad day, or i can choose to have my own emotional state of being, and realize that his emotions are not mine, that’s it’s okay to be happy even he’s not.

‘why are you yelling at me?’ is no longer a part of our dance. he rarely yells anymore. but it started with me making the change. it started with me allowing him to have his emotions, and not taking them personally.  i began to see that i could choose to feel that i was responsible for his anger or i could choose to understand and have compassion. i didn’t have to choose to feel a victim.  i didn’t have to allow his emotions to become mine. i started to give him the space to have his own emotions, and i began to see that my emotions were separate from his.

we all have our shortcomings, humans were not created to be perfect. and as i get to know my man and all that he’s been through, and i make adjustments in the choices i make as i respond to him, my love for him grows and runs deep. really deep.

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