the harmony i value can be cultivated if i stay out of his head, and into my heart

we like different things that’s for sure.  over the years, we’ve come to enjoy lots of things together. but we’ve always loved watching a good movie and sports together. so it’s not unusual to find us on a friday or saturday night snuggling on the couch.

one of his favorite pastimes is watching television, with the remote in hand. i think this is just a phase he’s going through. he takes the remote and he channel surfs. he can watch two different games, and two different shows all at the same time.

i respect and accept that he likes to spend his time doing that.  i’ll go read a book or write or cook; and other times in order to be sharing time together, i’ll join him on the couch, with my book or ipad – i’m not so good at flipping from one show to another.

last night he gave me this look of disapproval as i sat there with my phone and iPad playing words with friends every time he switched from the game to watch his favorite show. i went into his head and assumed that he didn’t like that i was on my devices and explained, “i prefer to play words with friends while you surf.”

there was an uncomfortable silence. i was trying not to judge, but simply state a fact.

he tried his best to stay calm. and instead of switching channels, he kept the commercials running. i told him that he didn’t have to do that… if he didn’t mind if i worked on other things while he surfed, to which he said, “so you’d rather watch these ads?”

it’s not that i’d rather watch the ads, it’s just that when he surfs we miss parts of the game.

i can’t say the night ended super well, but it didn’t end terribly the way it could have had i gone further into his head.

instead, i chose to stay out of his head, and in my heart.

he has the awareness that he has a habit that he’s not proud of, i don’t need to complain or criticize. i have the awareness that it’s not up to me to try and change him. i love him just the way he is. i don’t have to sit there in judgement and choose to have a miserable night. he’s dealing with his need to isolate. i have patience and understanding, and i can find ways to adjust to the situation that allows me the peace i value.

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