the good news is that my eyes have survived another scare. rest, medicine, compresses…and i must say a lot of love. i have so much to be grateful for.
the man i married is all about service. he will do anything to help. what i feel for this man and his true desire to be there for me in every possible way, is beyond words. it starts with gratitude and then it expands and fills me to the point of tears. i am filled with the knowing that he doesn’t want to lose me, that he absolutely and fully loves me.
that’s a big word. the knowing. that word is even bigger than believing. how can that be? it’s the complete and absolute trust that something is. it is the faith. when i experience a knowing, i experience peace and acceptance. there is no wavering, there are no questions, it just is.
i know it to be true is stronger than i believe it to be true.
i know it to be true that my man loves me and wants to be there for me in every possible way. this is true of our children too. the love he has for them is beyond belief, it is knowing. i wish i could say that is true of himself. that he loves himself and wants to be there for himself. that he loves himself as much as he completely loves me.
i do believe that until he can love himself as he knows he loves me, he will continue to feel that empty place of depression.
as much as i love him, only his heart can give him the self love he craves. this i know.
i can connect, and in relating through our hearts, his knowing may grow. his self loathing may be replaced with self love. i do believe this is possible. i do believe this to be true, and one day i may know and one day he may know. the healing is in the heart, i do believe.
in my quest to understand depression and the heart, i practice patience, i practice listening, and i practice understanding. what is growing is compassion.
and the knowing of love.