there’s a difference between doing something to please someone else, and doing something because you want to and you know the other person would love it.
when i do something trying to please someone, i’m expecting something in return. whether it be praise, acknowledgment, a thank you, a hug. i’m looking for something on the outside to fill an empty place inside me. as a little kid, i remember looking for those words, “you’re such a good girl!” every time i would finish all the food on my plate.
when i do something because i want to, when i do it out of true love, there are no expectations. i’m doing it because i love sharing my love and i know you’ll be happy when you see it, but i’m not hoping for anything. i’m not waiting for you to tell me you love me.
when i make my father his weekly soup, i’m loving that moment of preparation, that moment of cooking and that moment of giving. i’m not doing it in fear that he may not like it, as i did when i was a little girl. i make him his soup, because i love the process, and i love the happiness i’m creating, in my kitchen and in his, and in our hearts. if he tells me it’s salty, i don’t have to collapse in despair, i don’t have to have my feelings hurt, because i don’t have to take his comments personally. i know the source of that soup was love.
if i made the soup out of pure love, the heart doesn’t judge and it doesn’t compare. it was my gift to him. i can give him space to have his opinion because that’s just who he is. i keep it simple, and i don’t have to experience drama or conflict. if i made the soup in efforts to please him, then i experience failure and criticism. i didn’t please him. he didn’t like the soup and my feelings get hurt. i have a choice in my response. i can feel hurt because my source was trying to please and seek approval; or i can laugh knowing that that’s just my father – my source was to connect and share love.
my ego wants someone to tell me i’m “a good girl”; my heart is content knowing that my intention was to connect and to share. love understands.
my actions begin with my thoughts, my intentions. if i’m not seeking approval, attention or love from the outside, and if the source of my actions is from the heart, then i’m happy knowing that i do things from love; in creating love itself, i’m not relying on others to give me love.