learning from the opposite

you could say it was love at first sight.  brian and i met on a stairwell, and my heart was pounding. i’d never had that feeling for anyone before.  i didn’t even know this guy.

you could also say that we fell in love before we got to know each other.

you could say quite easily that we were opposites. as we got to know each other, we realized just how different we were. he’s irish, i’m chinese. he’s loud, i’m quiet. he’s obsessed with being tidy and orderly, i’m obsessed with creativity and the moment.

and when i thought about our differences, i thought there would be no way on earth that we could make it as a couple.  people kept telling me ‘opposites attract’… and here we are 40 years later, and we’re still madly in love.

maybe it was because we were just 18 when we met, and we were still open to learning that made it possible….and i guess that says a lot.

being young allows one to be open to learning?  but you don’t have to be young to be open to learning. being open to learning is the source of the success in so many relationships, whether we’re old or young.

if i’m always open to learning, i’m never too old to learn!  and i don’t want to be too old! when people tell me i think like a young person, it must be because i can see both sides, or maybe it’s because i don’t judge, or maybe it’s because i’m curious and i like to learn, or maybe it’s because i notice all the little things that make me smile, and i don’t hesitate to comment…

when i realized that my husband and i differ in almost every aspect of our lives, i tried to see things his way, and i went through a phase of feeling controlled and caged in.  but that feeling of being a doormat was simply me resisting change.  once i allowed our differences to be, and i stopped seeing it my way (which was not only the right way, but the better way as well, in my crazy head), we could agree to disagree.  i stopped trying to change him, and started working on myself.

how could it be that i was the one who needed to change?  when i wasn’t doing anything wrong?  i was the perfect one.  ha!  and that’s what had to change.  i needed to start taking a closer look at me and i needed to stop blaming him for not being more like what i wanted.  when i stopped wanting things to be perfect, according to me, i started to experience a beautiful peace within me.



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