stepping out from the middle

i was born in the middle, between my two beautiful sisters.  and into the middle i tend to drift.  i could never have competed with them with my physical attributes – remember i was born looking like a monkey, so i focused on developing other character traits.

i became very good at seeing both sides, in nearly every situation.

today i’m really good at being the go between, the negotiator, the  connector, the mediator, the problem solver.

over time i’ve learned the hard way, and i’m still learning. i can’t solve everyone’s problems.  i have to learn to let go, and let them work it out.

at this moment i’m stuck in between my father and my mom’s caregiver, rose.  she is dear as dear can be.  and she works so hard and so loving, but my dad doesn’t know how to appreciate her.  so he complains….to me. and expects me to get her to change.

no matter how much i try to explain to him how lucky we are to have her, and how much she gives from the heart, he still complains.

rose, along with the rest of us, is learning patience and how not to take things personally, and to laugh… a lot.

but as i try and communicate things that can be improved per my dad’s request, she thinks i’m criticizing her, when in fact i’m merely trying to improve her relationship with him.

and so i let go of trying to fix things. and let them work it out. yesterday they were joking around and enjoying each other’s company.

sometimes it just takes time to get to know each other. and sometimes, i have to learn to step out of the middle and walk away.  i don’t have to be the fixer, i can just enjoy my relationship with each of them, and let them work on their relationship with each other.

when my father asks me to tell rose not to spend his money so freely, i can nicely say, ‘dad, may be you should tell her.’

slowly i’m learning…as they say, ‘not my monkey, not my circus.’


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