“i have a feeling i’m not going to make it,” my father obsessed day after day, after stressful night before his angiogram. he showed me their will, and how to distribute my mom her pills each day, he is a master at making sure she gets the medications she needs…”just in case i don’t make it.” he tells me. bless his heart.
yes, bless his heart, and did i mention his heart was blessed and that he did make it?
his head took him to all kinds of places, mostly scary, dark and fearful places. what i’ve learned in listening to him as he shared his fear, is that ‘feelings are not fact’. as we dwell in that place of ‘feeling’, i know that the ‘feeling’ is based on ‘fear of the unknown’ – thoughts from that ‘worst scenario’ part of him. what’s funny is that we’ve all been there. we’ve all been to that place of ‘worry’, and most of us have come out fine after whatever it is we’re worrying about. so why is it that we choose to focus on the ‘worst case scenario’, when we’ve actually survived whatever it is that we’re worrying about? is it because our brains have more practice than our hearts?
if we practiced using our hearts more than our egos, could we have more faith that things will work out for the better, not for the worse? my father has survived many surgeries, including an 8-bypass open heart surgery, and yet he chooses to obsess about the negative instead of the positive, when it’s the positive that he’s living now.
as i practice gratitude, and acceptance of what is, i find the positive and the faith. ‘worrying is like praying for the worst to happen.’