i have choices in the way i respond to those around me. i can stick to my old habits, or i can try creating new ones. i think about the new me. i pause when i feel the old me well up inside me. i detach from that old me. and i choose a different response that comes from a loving heart.
the old me was always a victim, or the martyr. i choose not to have guilt be a part of the new me. i choose not to cry tears of a victim.
yesterday i arrived at my parents place with both of them in bed, the caregiver had just left. my dad was moaning and complaining that mom was doing her usual, wanting to get up and pee, wanting to lay back down, then up, then back down in ten minute intervals. it’s a pattern, almost an obsession. she’s totally dependent on others, and this up and down thing gets tiring.
he was in his victim, martyr place, a place i learned from them, a place i don’t enjoy. instead of feeling guilt for his situation, i gave him compassion, but i didn’t let his words impact my peace. instead i tried to let my positive energy impact the rest of his day.
my mom of course was in tears. it’s an old habit that is repeated. even before her illness, she would want something, he would complain, she would cry, he would complain more, she would cry more. when i was young, it was natural for me to cry alongside my mother – i too was good at being a victim. instead of feeding into the ‘woe is me place’, i choose to give them tools to start new habits by demonstrating new habits of my own. choosing to cry only puts my dad into feeling that he’s a horrible guy for complaining.
instead i acknowledge and have compassion for someone who’s tired of dealing with the disease. i honor his feelings as real and i validate them.
i put some music on, gave them hugs, did a dance, and we ended up having a great day.