as life unfolds, the closer i can be to nature, the more peace i find. it’s when my dreams don’t match reality that i experience turmoil and discontent, feelings of despair. it’s almost as if having my dreams are part of the belief that i somehow can control the outcome of events. the acceptance that i don’t have control of the mystery that surrounds me, gives me the peace to accept that my parents’ journey is a part of nature’s unfolding.
nature is a mystery. i don’t have to understand the miracle of the rising and setting sun, the fullness and brilliance of the fall moon, the smell of the autumn leaves as they blanket the earth in death and in colors beyond my imagination…i just have to be grateful that i’m simply a part of that force of nature. that my parents and i will one day, be like those leaves that fall to the ground.
in watching how my dad is fighting to hold onto my mom, i see the ego part of him wanting to believe that he can hold onto life and keep death away. but the more he holds on, the harder his precious heart works. it’s the letting go of the ego, detaching from the belief that he can change things – “i need to stop her from getting weaker..” he cries in desperation – and accepting life as it unfolds, that he’ll find peace.
as i sit and watch the waves pound and then recede, i experience a calm, a rhythm, a beat like the sound that lives inside me, and i’m reminded that i’m not alone. in harmony with each dying wave, i enter nature’s peace.