there is no waiting to live…it’s happening NOW

sometimes life just doesn’t happen as planned…brian and i moved out to los angeles right out of graduate school.  he had landed a job at a small venture capital company, and i was finishing up my dissertation in time to take on a teaching position at ucla.  we were going to save up enough money to find a house, and after working for a three years, we would start making babies…then one morning i woke up nauseous…i had already missed my period, but thought it was probably due to stress and the move.

i couldn’t sleep, thinking that i had messed up the plan.  we couldn’t afford to be pregnant now.  we were still paying off all our student loans, we could barely afford our small apartment in fox hills…this was not according to plan.

i cried for days thinking about how this couldn’t be possible.  i had been so careful.  brian assured me things would work out.  as soon as we did the pregnancy test and found out that we were pregnant, we broke into tears, but it was tears of joy, not fear.  it is what it is…and we could be nothing but happy.

here she is, our beautiful ren, 31 years later, married and starting her new life with the love of her life.

why do i say ‘oh we’ll start living, after we get this…or after we finish that…”  why don’t i just live NOW? and embrace what i have before me at this very moment?  there is no waiting to live.  it’s happening right this very moment, and wow is it amazing!

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