after 17 years of staying at home to raise her children, my friend is going back to work. i’m so happy for her. how awesome is that to be able to take off time, and then to find a job and return to the workforce. imagine all the changes that have taken place while away. it’s no wonder i could hear anxiety in her voice and thoughts. i realized that we all experience some kind of angst when confronted with change. some kind of worry or concern as we step into the unknown, the unfamiliar, the newness of a situation.
i also realized that’s it’s never too late to change. and as i remind myself that i’m always a beginner, that there’s always something for me to learn, and to grow from, my life becomes one of discovery and exploration.
for years i took time away from my newly sprouted career – running a language program for deaf children at ucla – to raise our four children. staying at home to raise the children is not for everyone, but it was for me. and i will forever be grateful for that opportunity.
nearly 60 years old now, and i’m just now discovering more things about myself that i never knew were in me. for years i was so focussed on raising our children with brian, and trying to ensure that they were given the best education possible, that they had a solid foundation from which they could jump and develop the confidence to go out in the world to discover and contribute in ways that were going to make a difference…that i never really paused to look inside myself. and then i realized that those times were filled with such joy, that indeed the whole parenting thing was a huge part of me, and that i was in a constant state of growth and awe every step of the way. i was the teacher i always wanted to be, and everyday i was learning something new about life and children. and i loved what i was doing.
so where am i today now that our children have grown and stepped out into the world? i find my greatest joy and peace when i’m reading and writing. i don’t write to be noticed, i write to grow. i wake every morning looking forward to the time i have alone to write, much the way i used to wake to have that precious time with my children.
we didn’t raise the children knowing how they were going to turn out. there were a ton of unknowns and changes that were going to take place. i feel the same way about my writing. i have no destination. i have no expectations… i write because i love to write. i share because i want to learn to get over the fear of judgement. i want to deepen my ability to open up and be transparent, be vulnerable, be real.
so i thank you for taking the time to read what i write. it may not be perfect, it may not make sense, but it sure is part of my growth and i thank you for joining me on this journey of the unknown.