finding meaning in the process and letting go of what my ego wants, and loving what is

there were times when i attached happiness to having money, as my immigrant parents would tell me ‘we don’t have money, watch how we spend, if we had money we could…find a career that makes money and you’ll be happy.’

but money isn’t everything.  in fact when i don’t have money, i start to experience the beauty of the simple things in life.  planning ren’s wedding was truly about the journey and not getting attached to the result.

we decided early on in the process that we couldn’t afford a wedding planner.  instead she and i were going to do it all,  and what a blessing that was.  we had the chance to work together on a dream she had.  i had the opportunity to listen and learn about what she envisioned her wedding to be, not what i, or anyone else wanted.

there were many blessings along the way –  trying on gobs of what she called ‘ugly dresses’, and finding the perfect dress at the fraction of the cost at a vintage shop ten minutes away from my parent’s village.  discovering that ren’s favorite flower was baby’s breath and succulents. planting succulents from our garden into recycled baby food jars as gifts to her guests.  eric, designing and making each invitation by computer and hand.  seeing that while she loves live music, we couldn’t afford a band that was going to be able to play music for both the young and the old, and that recorded music could be just as powerful.  realizing that the only live music she truly wanted was her grandfather playing his harmonica from his heart. finding an old steamer trunk at a flea market perfect for the altar. seeing the natural beauty of an olive tree as an arbor under which to say their vows…

the morning of the wedding, riki announced, ‘let’s just get it out now.  there will probably be at least ten things that are going to go wrong, and when something happens, we’re just going to laugh and not worry about it.’  and if i see life as that – a series of events unfolding as they will.  and as i not focus on perfection, and instead pause and enjoy what is happening around me now, i experience a shift in perspective that lets me see the miracles in the little things in life.

if i see life as a journey to be experienced, not attached to a dream or a result, i find bliss.  when i can find that it’s not about having it my way, rather it’s realizing that the imperfections are what make my experience in life adventurous and fun, the result unfolds, and things are just fine, in fact, they’re wonderful most of the time…

2 thoughts on “finding meaning in the process and letting go of what my ego wants, and loving what is

  1. I love all your posts, Manette! Karen and I really enjoyed the process of planning our wedding, too, and adding our touches to make it our own. And I’m so glad Riki said to expect things to not go as planned – I see the focus on the perceived “ideal” result in my students and parents instead of focusing on the growth and learning and enjoyment that comes from the journey. Nothing in the history of the world has gone exactly as someone hoped it would, why should we expect our experience to be any different? Embrace the unexpected of the journey. Go on the merry-go-round if you don’t want a challenge. Me, I’ll enjoy the roller coaster and its ups and downs!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. thank you mike…it means a lot that you are following me as i share my random thoughts. my writing has been my personal therapy as i learn to live in acceptance of my imperfections…and others’…
    it’s the journey, isn’t it? loving life…


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