fear closes the heart …in search of love and the open heart

as i practice living through the heart, i experience what i call the awareness of the open heart.  i see the open heart as a healthy heart and  a closed heart as a broken heart.  when the heart loses its ability to release its fear, its anger, its resentments… it hardens- it is fed with fear and loses its ability to experience any emotion. without the release of the negative emotions, it loses its ability to truly experience any emotions, including happy, healthy, positive emotions.

sometimes the heart has to learn how to experience love and it begins with learning the language of the heart, and finding a way to a healthy heart that is open and connected to a place of acceptance.

imagine being told growing up that you are not to cry- that only babies cry – be tough, be a man…

imagine losing a parent or a friend or someone close to you and holding that sadness inside your heart for fear you wouldn’t be understood, or as a young child, you somehow felt abandoned and never understood the loss yourself…

imagine getting recognition, praise or love… but only if you were perfect….

imagine living in fear that you might not get the love you so desperately crave because you were scolded every time you made a mistake, or didn’t do it just the way your mother or father wanted you to…

imagine living in a home where you never knew if your mother or father was going to be nice or mean, come home or stay away…

imagine living in a home where the love you expected was absent or missing or even opposite what you thought you deserved…

imagine living with parents who fought all the time, and didn’t have time to express their love for you…

imagine getting attention only when you misbehaved…

imagine not having a home…imagine not having parents…

imagine finding the love of your life, and experiencing hurt that feels beyond repair…

as i reflect on my past and how i was surrounded by love growing up, but often from a perspective of fear as my parents tried their best to make it in america, i am filled with gratitude.  and my heart sings.  but love is not static.  love doesn’t grow unless nurtured, unless i adjust to the changes around me.  as my relationships change, and new relationships enter, as i grow and become more aware of the possibilities, my love grows and becomes more understanding.

“love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.”  – Ursula K. LeGuin

the heart is not hard like a stone.  it is soft like dough and it likes to be touched, massaged and kneaded.  love is ever changing just like the world around us, and love doesn’t judge.  the open heart is accepting, open,  unconditional and filled with hope.

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