if i live in fear, then i find myself worrying. what is the point of worrying? my mother was the queen of worrying. i couldn’t understand the point of worrying…she would worry herself to the point of tears. but as i grew, i, too, found myself worrying, especially about things i had no control over. worrying about brian and his depression, worrying about the kids and their decisions.
and then i realized that worry is a form of mistrust. do i trust that my children are going to be making wise choices? ultimately, yes, as we have raised them to have strong values, and to know right from wrong. so why not trust that they’ll make good choices – at least i know they will think about their actions, and that their actions will be coming from a place of good intention. at some point it became clear to me that i was not in charge of them any longer and that their decisions were theirs to make…that we raised them to be independent thinkers, loving, productive individuals who want to contribute in a positive way to our world. and i stopped worrying about them. as for brian, i have to trust that he’s in good hands with his doctors, and that they know what they’re doing…and that if i continue to love him unconditionally, there will come a day where he’ll begin to feel the love. i see glimpses of his self love growing each day.
someone once said that worrying was like praying for something bad to happen. if i think about praying as my time to connect with god, my time to thank the universe for all that i have been given, then i begin to see that focussing on negative things that could potentially happen, really is like praying for the worst to happen. if i allow myself to trust in the universe, and to know that what happens is really out of my control, i experience peace and a sense of calm, and a renewed faith that all be just as it should be…
and my heart grows. if i practice opening my heart every time fear tries to enter, i find the love that the universe has for me and every living creature.